While He Was Gone
by CrimeFictionGal319
Summary: Set after LLV what i think could have happened after LLV.GSR and team bonding
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. CSI belongs to CBS etc. not me. Do you think i'd be writing Fan Fiction if it was mine?? if it was up to me i wouldn't have to wait till NEXT YEAR to find out what happens to Sara.

Summary: this takes place after Leaving Las Vegas. my thoughts on what could have happened.GSR i wouldn't have it any other way also hints of Cathrine/Warrick and team bonding.

Spoilers: LLV,Grave Danger

A/N(1): sorry this is so long after LLV aired but i've been working on it slowly and also had other things to do in the meantime. Study, reading Harry Potter, enduring the family holiday with no compter ARRGH. at least the travelodge had Five and i could watch CSI, Law And Order and NCIS.

A/N(2): This is being typed at midnight as i'm waiting for my S-Grade results witch come out early morning tomorrow(TODAY!!!) and i can't sleep. this ain't been betad so all mstakes are mine and i'll blamed fatigue and my nerves also (as you've probebly guessed) i'm Scottish so some things may be different but you'll have to live with that.

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While He Was Gone-Chapter 1

"I'll miss you" Grissom said standing by the locker room door. That was it, the last thing he said to her before leaving for four weeks. The only thing he said to her before leaving for four weeks. There were no "I love you's" no goodbye kisses, no comforting embraces, just "I'll miss you," something she could have expected even before they started 'going out' properly. Nick got a goodbye hug and Sara, his girlfriend, didn't get any type of physical contact, although admittedly she wasn't sure her heart could take it. If their goodbye was any less public, Sara would have probably broken down and begged him to stay, but she didn't and she knew that however hard it was, he had to take this sabbatical or he would burn out, and then what would happen? But still Grissom leaving for William's College to teach for four week would take their toll on both Grissom and Sara and their relationship. Sara couldn't just nip off to visit him when she wanted to, she would have to take time off and face the inevitable question, why? While they had managed to keep their relationship secret Sara wasn't sure that she would be able to keep it secret under pressure from Catherine when all she wanted was to fly to Grissom's arms so she had resigned herself to the fact that she would not see Grissom for the whole four weeks.

After Grissom had left, Sara sat on the locker room floor and cried until she thought she had no tears left. He had only been gone a short time but Sara was missing him like crazy. She missed the sound of his shuffle walk, she missed the way he looked when he was concentrating, she missed his warm arms that would envelope her in a hug whenever she was down or when they wanted an intimate moment, she missed the reassurance that whenever she needed him, he was there, she missed the way that they didn't need words to communicate with each other, she missed he fact that he gave her a life outside of work, she missed his pale blue eyes, she missed his soft touch as his hand secretly brushed the small of her back –a small act of intimacy which he could show even when they were in the busy lab, she missed his soft lips that would brush the back of her neck when they shared an intimate moment, she missed the private smiles they shared while working. She missed him. Finally deciding that she was better going home than risk being caught by someone she stood up and prepared to leave. While sorting out her stuff Sara caught sight of herself in the mirror. She looked awful, but it was nothing a bit of make up couldn't hide. She pulled the make-up from the back of her locker and within seconds she looked like nothing had happened. She had often used make-up to hide tired, puffy eyes and bruises so that it had become second nature to her and while she was out of practise she was able to apply it faultlessly. Sara picked up her bag and headed out of the lab.

As she passed the break room she noticed that most of the graveyard shift were still in there.

"Hey Sara coming to join us" Nick called out to her as she tried to pass unnoticed; she sighed before turning round and entering the break room.

"I suppose, but not for long I have to…uh it doesn't matter. What are you still doing here; I thought you'd all be at home by now."

"We were just talking you know. We haven't really done anything together, out of work for a long time" said Catherine and she was right, Grissom and Sara had been so preoccupied with each other that they hadn't socialized with the rest of the team, the business with Sam Braune had kept Catherine busy and Warrick had been by her side through it all so the team rarely met up outside the confines of the lab. "And we were discussing the bombshell that Grissom has sprung us, I mean he has just suddenly decided to go off on sabbatical for no reason and has given us no explanation either. None of us knew, not even Brass and I thought that Grissom would have at least told him." Sara sat down quickly on a seat before her legs gave way beneath her. She knew that she wasn't going to be able to cope with a discussion about Grissom just yet. She wasn't totally secure with him leaving just yet and was so close to crying again that she would reveal her feelings to the others.

"We were just tossing ideas about his reasons for leaving," Greg said. All Sara could do was nod her head as Greg, with some input from Catherine and Nick, started listing of their ideas. As soon as Sara heard the first idea, she switched off. Of course they would come up with silly ideas and stories about why Grissom had left, they had seen no reason for him to leave. They had only seen the mask that he put up, but she had seen the real him, the one who was about to burn out, the one who every day was sinking deeper and deeper into oblivion. Grissom wasn't good at showing his emotions to other people. Sara knew this more than anyone; it had taken her a long time to get him to open up to her but when he did, it was worth the wait. Grissom kept the mask that everything was fine, even at home. Sara was oblivious to the pain he was in until one day when she returned home and found him in the darkened lounge, lying on the sofa, with tear stains on his cheeks. It had broken her heart that he was that he was in so much pain and didn't even share it with the person he loved but, when he explained everything to her, she did what she could to help him and when the offer to teach at William's College came through it washer who persuaded him to take it. Now she wasn't sure if it had been such a great idea, Grissom might get better but she didn't think she could stand being without him nearby for four weeks.

"So Sara, what do you think?" Greg's voice broke through her thoughts,

"Huh"

"What's your opinion Sara, come on, are you even paying attention?"

"Yes, I think that um…I think that it isn't our position to discuss Grissom's reasons for leaving. If he wanted us to know he would have told us. We just have to accept that he's…that he's left and there's nothing we can do about it" Sara hoped that they didn't notice her voice break, she was on the verge of tears and prayed that they wouldn't fall when the rest could see.

"See, there is someone who agrees that it's none of our business," said Warrick. "If you lot aren't going to talk about anything else I'm going home, I need sleep," he stood up and started to leave.

"I…uh…I'll be off too" said Sara softly keeping back the tears. " I'll see you guys later"

"Yeah bye Sara, bye Warrick" replied Nick.

"See you" Catherine said aimed mainly at Warrick. Greg added, "Enjoy your evening off Sara" Sara gave him a smile although she knew it would be the day off from hell. Normally days off meant more time to spend with Grissom but she couldn't, he was gone. Sara and Warrick headed along the corridor to the car park. They walked in silence until they were out of earshot of the break room.

"Are you alright Sara?" Warrick asked, "You seemed a bit distracted back there"

"Yes, there's…well…there's a lot going on in my life at the moment and to be honest I don't have the time or energy to discuss why Grissom legged to the other side of the country."

"I understand" Warrick gave Sara a smile, she silently breathed a sigh of relief, maybe she could lie. She couldn't have lasted another minute in the break room without breaking down in a flood of tears. And then their relationship wouldn't be a secret anymore. They had reached Sara's Denali and it was time fore them to part ways

"See you Sara"

"Yeah"

"And Sara if you ever need anything, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, I'm here, we all are, remember that."

"Thanks," Sara gave him a small smile before climbing into her Denali and driving home to her empty townhouse.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. CSI belongs to CBS etc. not me. Do you think i'd be writing Fan Fiction if it was mine?? if it was up to me i wouldn't have to wait till NEXT YEAR to find out what happens to Sara.

Summary: this takes place after Leaving Las Vegas. my thoughts on what could have happened.GSR i wouldn't have it any other way also hints of Cathrine/Warrick and team bonding.

Spoilers: LLV,Grave Danger

A/N: sorry it's taken such a long time but i've been busy moving house, settling into school. i can't beleive i'm in sixth form. at least i get s new uniform not the horrible kilts and green jumpers of the rest of the school. Highers are so much harder and i have a lot more study but i will try and update when i can, probebly at weekends

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While He Was Gone-Chapter 2

Sara sat in her Denali on the drive of Grissom and her townhouse waiting, waiting for the car to appear that she knew wouldn't, it was parked in the garage in front of her after all but waiting was Sara's usual routine and she didn't have the courage to break it. Before he left Sara would wait in her Denali, on their drive until Grissom pulled up behind her, they would then both leave their respective vehicles and walk to the house together as if they weren't forced to travel separately and leave at different times and hide their relationship. They would begin their life at home, where they were a couple, not just colleagues. After sitting for a quarter of an hour Sara resigned herself to the truth that Grissom wasn't coming, how could he, he was in the air somewhere between Vegas and Massachusetts. Sara entered the townhouse; she hung her coat, placed her shoes on the rack and put her bag in the corridor each time noticing that the spaces where Grissom would put his coat, shoes and bag were empty. Sara made her way through to the kitchen where Grissom would make her breakfast every morning while she would sit drinking coffee. It was a well-known fact that Sara couldn't cook. Yes she could throw things together that vaguely resembled food but it was rarely palatable to anyone except Sara, because of this Grissom, who was a good cook having been taught by his mother from a young age, cooked all their meals. Sometimes Sara helped out but usually she sat drinking coffee or wine or whatever was more appropriate. As Grissom wasn't there to prepare her breakfast Sara ransacked the cupboards for something she couldn't ruin, her taste buds were becoming immune to her awful cooking. Eventually she settled for cereal, dry cereal, as there wasn't any milk. That was something else she would have to get used to, whenever they went shopping there were two of them to remember what they needed, and still they forgot things, ho would she manage on her own?

After her attempts at breakfast, Sara got changed and curled up in her bed. The bed she had shared many enjoyable experiences with Grissom in. It usually symbolized Sara's favourite place, a warm, comfortable place where she would lie in her lovers' arms, completely relaxed. Sometimes they would both be reading books, or forensic journals, other times filling out crosswords, sometimes separately but more often than not they would work together, Grissom's arm wrapped around Sara's waist holding the newspaper, or laptop if they were working on an online puzzle, filling out the solutions I n double quick time. But now the big bed was bare and empty. The sheets doing nothing to warm Sara's heart and it was here that she finally let the tears fall. Away from prying eyes she could let it all out. She could cry, she could curse, she could collapse into her shell and no one would question her. Eventually exhausted by tears, Sara fell asleep only to wake up later and when she saw the empty bed the tears fell again. As she was calming down she was startled by the noise of her phone ringing.

"Sidle" she mumbled grumpily down the offending object, trying not to sound like she'd been crying.

"Sorry did I wake you" Catherine's cheery voice came through the earpiece.

"Yes you did. What do you want, Catherine?" She didn't even try to disguise her anger. Sara looked over at the clock, night shift had just started, she had been crying and sleeping much longer than she thought.

"I know it's your night off, but we're stretched out here, we've two multiple homicides and a B&E, and this new guy Keppler or whatever just called to say his flight from Philly's been cancelled, he won't be in until midday."

"O.K. where do you want me?" Sara asked exasperatedly.

Warrick and I are on one homicide, Greg's on the B&E so you can help Nick. A shootout in a store in Henderson, Four victims and three wounded on their way to Desert Palms as we speak, Perp struck at the busiest time of day. Oh and Brass is there."

"Alright I'm on my way, " the knowledge that it was Brass' scene gave her a little comfort. "I suppose I'll see you at the lab."

"Yeah, see you" Sara flipped the phone shut and dragged herself out of bed and a quickly as possible got ready for work. She packed her kit into her Denali and drove to the scene, stopping to pick up a coffee to keep her going. Pulling up at the crime scene, Sara spotted Brass on his cell. Sara collected her kit and walked up them.

"Hey Sara, your looking good" he said sarcastically while looking her up and down, a friendly smirk on his face.

"Whatever Jim, I'm not meant to be here and I really would rather not be here. It's my day off, but as always big cases fall on my day's off."

"I'll make sure it doesn't happen next time" Brass laughed, but secretly wondered what caused workaholic Sara to dislike the thought of work so much. "Nick's inside, he's started processing and one of the injured parties has woken up so I'm going to get a statement." He walked off leaving Sara by herself. She entered the store and saw Nick swabbing a pool of blood, to a normal person it would be a scene from their nightmares but to the CSI's this was a daily occurrence.

"Hey Sara…wow, you look like shit" Nick said as he spotted her.

"Well thanks for pointing out the obvious Nicky, I just haven't had much sleep," Sara lied.

"And that affects you? I thought you were an insomniac once" nick joked, but looked at Sara expecting a serious answer.

"Yeah, well I was saving it all up for my night off but that's not happening is it" she sighed, "where do you want me to process."

"By the counter, the shooters collected the contents of the till before opening fire."

"Right," Sara walked over to the counter and set her kit down. She began to process the scene, her fist scene where she could not go to Grissom either professionally or personally. He wouldn't be in his office for a professional consult, nor at home for a hand when se brought a case home with her. Nor would he be there for her, to dry her tears, if a case got too much. Thinking of Grissom, Sara felt a tear roll down her cheek that she quickly brushed away with her wrist. "Calm down" she told herself "you're a professional, don't cry at a crime scene, save it for home. Don't think about Grissom, jus get in with your job," and so she did. She pushed all thoughts of Grissom to the back of her mind and concentrated on finding the men who caused mayhem in a small suburb store.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. CSI belongs to CBS etc. not me. Do you think i'd be writing Fan Fiction if it was mine??

Summary: this takes place after Leaving Las Vegas. my thoughts on what could have happened.GSR i wouldn't have it any other way also hints of Cathrine/Warrick and team bonding.

Spoilers: LLV,Grave Danger

Sorry it's take such along time but Highers are a lot harder than anything i've done before and my evenings are filled with study. but i'm on mid-term break so I should be faster in the next week and a half

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While He Was Gone-Chapter 3 

Sara and Nick returned to the lab and were waiting for the lab to finish processing their evidence. Nick was watching the CCTV footage while Sara was waiting for Mandy to finish running her prints through AFIS. Waiting was hard, even being in the lab was hard but waiting was even harder. With nothing to do Sara found her mind wondering to Grissom. Every voice she herd, every shadow she saw she thought was Grissom. In the empty break room Sara couldn't help but cry. She knew it was dangerous, anyone could walk in but she couldn't hold the tears back any longer. It had been less than twenty-four hours since he left but she had already fallen apart. When he was in Vegas they could spend longer than twenty-four hours without even catching a glimpse of each other but now that he was at the other end of the country she couldn't survive. Sara heard the door open, she quickly dried her eyes and hoped that whoever it was would leave her alone but she had no such luck.

"Sara…Sara…are you alright?" Warrick crouched in front of her and placed his hands over hers. "Sara?" she looked up and Warrick saw her red eyes and tear stained checks "Hey, hey, hey Sara, don't cry" he placed a hand on her shoulder as the tears that she was trying to hid ran involuntarily down her face. Warrick pulled her into a comforting embrace and let her cry on his shoulder.

When she had no more tears she pulled away and stood up quickly, embarrassed for letting Grissoms' departure get to her so much and for affecting her at work. "Sara where are you going?"

"Mandy…prints…case, you know…um," she said embarrassed and trying to get as far away from Warrick as possible.

"No Sara you shouldn't be here, let me take over"

"But your case…" she argued weakly,

"Is closed. Catherine is getting the suspects confession as we speak. You should go home, it's your day off and God knows you need it Sara, you work harder than the rest of us and whatever it is that makes you of all people break down mid shift needs to be sorted. I'll take over for now. You go home, sort things out. I don't want to see you until next shift, and I want to see a smile on that beautiful face of yours"

"Thanks Warrick but…this isn't going to sort itself out just because I'm not here to be honest I'm better off here than at home, I might as well finish the case"

"Oh Sara, I'm sure it isn't as bad as that, you need a break, you being like this isn't doing your case any good. Go home, try and sort it out. And Sara if you don't think you can manage the next shift call me. I'll cover for you. You've done it enough times for me, and this Keppler guy should be here by then so we wont be so short handed."

"Thanks Warrick, I suppose this means I'm going home" she smiled weakly "Bye, see you sometime"

"Bye Sara and take care" Warrick stood and watched as Sara made her way to the locker room, in a completive state wondering what had got Sara into such a state until Catherine's voice interrupted his thoughts,

"Warrick, you seen Sara?"

"Yeah, I sent her home."

"You sent her home," Catherine said, voice raised slightly, "I'm supervisor I decide whether or not Sara can go home"

"Sorry Catherine, but it's Sara's night off, she shouldn't even be here. She wasn't in a good enough state to work. We've finished our case so I said I'd take over and help Nick on theirs"

"fine whatever," sad Catherine exasperatedly "but next time check with me first. I'm supervisor while Grissom's off gallivanting and seeing as it's now your case Mandy's got print results for you."

"OK and Cath don't question Sara about this, she doesn't need us meddling in her affairs. See you around," with that he left to find Mandy and the Print results.

The results in his had Warrick went to catch up with nick in the AV lab.

"Hey Nick, I've got the results from the prints that Sara took. All the usual cashiers, locals but theirs one set out of place belonging to a Nigel Carpenter, pervious for armed robber and his current residence is at the other side of Vegas. How about e go se what he has to say about this?"

"That's great Warrick, but why didn't Sara bring me this?"

"I sent her home, it's her day off and Catherine and I have finished our case. I thought I'd let her go home and then I could escape paperwork for another shift!"

"Fine, let's go question this Nigel Carpenter and I'll bring you up to date on the way." They left the lab and headed off to question their suspect.


	4. Chapter 4

While He Was Gone- Chapter 4 

Sara arrived at her townhouse having stopped twice to let the tears that were blurring her eyes fall and once at the store to pick up some groceries. She unpacked the groceries before getting ready to return to bed. Just as Sara had settle into the covers for a well-deserved sleep, her phone rang. With out checking the caller ID first Sara answered it and barked "What?" down the offending item.

"Sara?" the voice that she had been missing asked through the earpiece.

"Oh Gill, it's you. I'm so sorry I…I thought…"

"You thought I was Catherine"

"Yes, how did you guess?"

"The only person who has your number who you don't like phoning you. I take it she had you in on your night off."

"Yes and I'd still be there if it wasn't for Warrick sending me home"

"He sent you home? Why?"

"He had an open and shut case, he'd finished. It's my day off so he was just being kind and he…well he… Oh it doesn't matter"

"What did he do?" Grissom asked worriedly "Sara?"

"He…um…he caught me in the break room, crying"

"Crying, why were you crying?"

"Cause I'm missing you like crazy Gil and I just can't cope in the lab or at home for that matter. I keep expecting to turn the corner and you'll be there but you're not you're at the other side of the country and it makes me upset that I can't see you or hold you or talk to you." Sara was now fully crying, unable to keep the tears back. She continued to cry while Grissom struggled to calm her down on he other end of the phone.

"Sara, please don't do this to yourself, you'll burn yourself out if you don't calm down please Sara" he begged, "Don't cry. I hate it when you're upset, please Sara, you know I wish I was there too but you have to stop crying, Sara you have to save yourself the pain. You won't last four weeks like this. Please Sara stop crying, for me" the [pleading tone in his voice forced Sara to dry her tears.

"I know, but I miss you so much" she sniffled.

"I know and I miss you to but you know I had to escape the lab, my only regret is that you couldn't come with me, it's not the same without you." Sara couldn't help but smile. He missed her as much as she missed him.

"What's the college like Gil, is everyone treating you right?" she asked steering the conversation away from their feelings, knowing it was a subject neither of them were fully comfortable discussing, especially over the phone.

"It's good, the weathers cold but there's not any snow yet. I'm going to meet my students soon so then I'll be able to tell you what everyone's like, so far I've only met a couple of embers of staff. I'll also be able to tell if I can still teach."

"Don't worry its like riding a bike you'll never forget and your such a good teacher you'll have them all eating out the palm of your hand"

"You flatter me Sara but I wish I could believe you. You've always been my best student, so attentive and questioning but I'm sure most of the students will be taking this course for the extra credit not because it interests them."

"Or, to try and get lucky with a sexy entomologist"

"I wouldn't go that far Sara"

"Yeah well don't go giving out an wrong impressions, your not to go taking young students out even if they are especially inquisitive or I'll have to fly our to castrate you" Grissom could here that she was only joking but knew that he would not disobey her, he decided to play along with her.

"When would I ever do that?" he asked mockingly.

"Well you took me out"

"Well you were different. A star pupil, one who cared less about the subject and not just the grades, someone who I had an opportunity to mentor and direct in the field of forensics an did I mention you had a figure to die for" he said with a smirk

"Are you flirting with me Dr. Grissom?"

"I don't believe I am Miss. Sidle" they sat in silence for a moment just enjoying the connection that they had even though they were thousands of miles apart until Grissom broke the silence. "How are my bugs doing?"

"Huh, Gil trust you to ruin the silence with your bugs. For your information OUR bugs are doing just fine thank you but I'm not sure about the ones in your office I haven't been able to pluck up the courage to go in there yet but I'll go check before shift tonight."

"You don't have to, I can ring Greg and tell him I forgot to get someone to feed them"

"I'm not standing around watching while Greg kills the tarantula"

"Greg wouldn't kill them would he?"

"You obviously don't know him. It's luck he didn't kill them last time you left him to look after them. I hade to take evasive action to stop him killing our bugs, I'm not doing that again it might be suspicious that I care about your bugs. And we can't have him coming over here everyday there's no way I can hide all my things, he would think it odd if he was looking after your bugs in the office but not the ones at home especially given your away for…um…f-f-f-four weeks. And anyway I believe it is my turn to look after the bugs whether I have joint ownership or not." She fought herself not to break down again four weeks wasn't all that long, was it?

"Good, but call if you can't bring yourself to go into my office, I'm sure I can get someone else to do it for you"

"I'll be fine, honest Gil"

How's Catherine taking to being supervisor"

"You mean like having people in on their day off. I suppose she's doing okay especially…"

"Sara" Grissom reluctantly interrupted "I'm sorry but my cab's here I have to go to my class but I'll speak to you again tomorrow morning when you finish shift. And I'll e-mail you my time table as soon as I have it so you can ring when you want but I really have to go"

"It's fine, I'll speak to you later" she said disappointment running thought her voice.

"Of course, and Sara remember don't be upset,"

"I won't," she said while ears involuntarily rolled down her cheek, "I love you" she continued in a horse whisper.

"I love you too" and he ended the call and triggered Sara's tears to fall and she couldn't help but cry uncontrollably. Grissom took the cab and sat back for the journey to the college lecture halls. Grissom felt that something was wrong and replayed Sara's last words in is head and felt her sadness, immediately he reached for his phone and dialled speed-dial.

"Brass" the detective answered

"Hey Jim it's me"

"Oh, Hey how are you doing?"

"Fine, but can I ask for a favour?"

"I'm not looking after your damn bugs for you, especially since you didn't have the courtesy to ask me in person"

"It's ok Sara's looking after the bugs but I want you to keep an eye on Sara for me please she's not taking my sabbatical very well."

"I didn't think she would. She looked awful when I saw her yesterday but I didn't say anything there were to many people around and I know how much she wants to stay professional on the job. I was going to talk to her later but Warrick had taken over her case. Do you want me to go over and keep her company?"

"Please, tell her she can ring me whenever she wants, I'll send you both a copy of my timetable but I don't mind if she calls in the middle of the night but tell her I'll be there if she wants."

"I will Griss, I'm heading over as we speak. I'll try and cheer her up for you"

"Thanks Jim, I'll speak to you soon"

"Yeah, have fun, and don't worry about Sara I'll watch her for you."

Sara had just stopped crying when Brass rang her doorbell. Not knowing who it was Sara went to open it.

"Jim, what are you doing here/"she asked when she saw him.

"Grissom called, he was worried about you, so was I when I saw you at the scene. He said you needed someone to take of you." Sara smiled that even at the other side of the country he was making sure she was O.K.

"Come in, Jim," she led him to the lounge and they sat on the sofa

"So, Sara, how are you?"

"Truthfully, the only reason I'm not crying is because I've run out of tears and because Gil told me to. What?" Brass had a confused expression on his face.

"Nothing, it's just I'm not used to you calling him Gil yet. Even I don't call him Gil."

They sat in silence for a moment as they both reflected on Grissom.

"You really miss him don't you?"

"Is it that obvious"

"To me yes, but then I know what you're missing. I guess you're pissed at him for leaving you"

"I'm not pissed at him. I'm pissed at the criminals that have made his life hell these past months, I'm pissed at lab politics which have meant I couldn't help him at work, I'm pissed that I have to pretend that him leaving hasn't affected me while inside I'm falling apart, I'm pissed that the only offer he got was at the other side of the country so that I can't see him until he comes home but I'm not pissed at him. I couldn't be, I love him too much" she broke down in floods of tears and Brass just held her while she let it all out. "It was a surprise to everyone that he left, but it wasn't for me. He was burning out and he needed to escapee the lab. I was the one who persuaded him to go to Massachusetts. It's done him good already, but I just wish it wasn't so damn hard, but I'll get over it. I have to

"But Sara remember I'll be here for you whenever you want and Grissom's always on the end of the telephone if you need him. And I could always get you some time off so you can go visit him."

"Thanks but I would never be able to leave him, parting once is hard enough I wouldn't be able to do it again." However hard she tried she couldn't stop crying and Brass held her like a father comforting his child until she had no tears and she tried and failed to stifle her yawns.

"Your tired Sara you need to get some sleep. I'll leave you but if it's alright with you I'll come see you after work tomorrow"

"That's fine"

"But Sara will you do something for me, will you try not to let this affect your work. However much we love her I'm sure you don't want Catherine snooping round your private life."

"I can't promise the happy Sara who had a fiancée to come home to everyday but you won't have me crying every five seconds like I have up to now."

"Good, I'll let myself out but Sara promise me that if ever need someone you'll call me, anytime day or night."

"I promise" Brass kissed her goodbye on the cheek and let himself out. Sara relaxed and smiled. She wasn't burdened by her troubles any more. She had someone she could turn to, someone who knew the truth. She could survive this sabbatical even if only just.


	5. Chapter 5

While He was Gone- Chapter 5 

Sara arrived early for shift not really early like she used to but around half an hour early. Once she had placed her bag in her locker Sara made her way to Grissom's office where she checked on Grissom's bugs. She took the tarantula out of his terrarium and let him crawl over her hands.

"I guess it's just you and me now that Grissom's left Vegas" she gave a little laugh "I don't believe it. He's made me love bugs enough to talk to them, I wish I could talk to him though" she sighed and fought back the tears before they formed in his eyes, "Mow, don't tell Grissom I love bugs, will you, I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he's transformed me into a bug lover". She carefully placed him back into his terrarium thinking that she was glad that none of the others would here her talk to the tarantula. Even if they didn't hear the words they would make fun of her for talking to a spider. As she was leaving his office Sara noticed the small pile of entomology journals on his desk, he remembered. He had promised her that he would leave some for her to read while he was gone. She took the top journal, left Grissom's office and made her way t the break room.

Cup of coffee in hand Sara began to read the journal. She had only reached the second article when Nick, Warrick and Greg entered the room but she took no notice of the, they were discussing sport, something she never had any interest in anyway.

"Sara, who do you think'll win tomorrow the New York Yankees or Texas Rangers?" Nick asked

"Uh, Yeah whatever" she replied not listening.

"What kind of answer is that?"

"Leave he Nick," Greg said "she's too busy reading…" he bent down to see the title. "The Entomologist's Monthly Magazine…The Entomologist's…" his voice trailed off, "well whatever floats you boat Sara" The boys continued their conversation, ignoring Sara, until Catherine came in with the assignments.

"Right everyone, this is Mike Keppler, he's here to give us a hand while Grissom's on his sabbatical." Sara blinked away the tears but otherwise made no acknowledgement of anything Catherine said.

"Hey, I'm Nick Stokes" Nick said offering his hand, which Keppler firmly shook.

"Warrick Brown" Warrick stepped forward hand outstretched.

"Uh…Greg Sanders" said when he realised it was his turn as Sara wasn't making a move to introduce herself. Keppler then looked towards Sara who was staring intently at the page as if she was reading. After a few minutes of an embarrassing silence Catherine spoke.

"Ah, this is Sara Sidle" she said indicating Sara. Keppler extended his hand towards Sara for her to shake. Sara ignored it and looked over her journal., locking into an intense stare with Keppler letting him know that she wasn't welcoming him with open arms. Although she knew it was irrational she believed that he was after Grissom's job, and she wasn't going to let that happen. She broke the eye contact returning to her journal, turning the page indicating that she was done with any welcome she was to give Keppler.

"Well…um…there's three cases today" said Catherine breaking the hostile atmosphere that Sara had created. "There's a d.b. just off the strip, a decomp in Henderson and a robbery-homicide on the UNLV campus. Who wants what?" se offered the assignment slips to the team. Almost immediately Sara stood up.

"I'll take the decomp…Solo" before she was paired off with anyone. She grabbed the slip from Catherine and left the break room before anyone could question her. The others stared after her in disbelief.

"Did she just do tat?" asked Greg, voicing what everyone else was thinking.

"What?" asked Keppler not knowing that it wasn't Sara's usual behaviour.

"Choose to take a decomp. And solo at that." His voice echoed his disbelief

"Man something's not right" said Warrick more to himself than anyone else.

"Your telling me something's changed with Sara, it's like she was years ago. I thought she'd put all that behind her." Nick added

"Me too," Greg said.

"Well I'm afraid we've all got cases to go to. If you boys want to work together and I'll take Mike, show hi the sights. What case do you want?"

"We'll take the robbery-homicide," Warrick said, he took the assignment slip and left the break room with Greg and Nick in tow.

"Well, I guess that leaves me to guide you round the Las Vegas strip." And with that the first shift in Grissom's absence started with the entire team worried about the dramatic change in Sara's behaviour.


	6. Chapter 6

**While He Was Gone-Chapter 3**

Grissom had barely been gone a week when Catherine called the team together for breakfast, to discuss Sara. The whole team including Brass and Sophia were there. Nick had even inadvertently invited Sara but she turned him down. Sara had been acting strange ever since Grissom had left but as such none of the team had noticed the coinciding times of Grissom's departure and the arrival of Sara's new behaviour. She had returned to the Sara of old, arriving hours early for shift, leaving hours late. Pulling doubles at the drop of a hat, covering shifts for anyone who needed it- they didn't even have to be on nightshift. Catherine and the boys were worried, they could still remember what happened last time Sara had this behaviour and this time Grissom wasn't there to pick up the pieces, they didn't know that it was his absence that caused her to be this way. When they had all sat down and ordered, Catherine spoke;

"We need to talk about Sara, we've all seen that she's not herself. She's started picking up shifts and pulling doubles again and while once every-so-often is normal she hasn't stuck to her set shifts once since I became supervisor."

"I know what your saying Cath" started Nick, "And she's not just extended her hours she's become isolated from the rest of us, at her own doing. I don't think she she's spoken to any of us about none case related things for a long time, and when she talks about a case she's as brief as possible."

"And she's been choosing to work solo as much as possible" piped up Greg.

"I agree, every decomp that's landed on my desk she's snapped up like a pack of sweets. She's always had a stronger stomach than us at decomps but she still used to try and avoid them as we do. She's taken any case that will allow her to work alone and has worked more cold cases in the last week that any one of us would work in a month."

"She's defiantly become less sociable, she completely blocked me in the corridor even when I tried to speak to her. I thought it was just me but…" Sophia trailed off thinking that she had overstepped the mark.

"It's not just you Sophia, I haven't got so much as a smile out of her and I've been using my very best jokes, Platinum Service only for her and the corners of her mouth hardly even moved. I'm almost clean out of jokes," said Greg trying to take a light hearted view.

"I don't think anyone has got much out of her lately" Nick noted.

"I don't know Sara that well so I thought maybe it was just her," Keppler said, "or maybe something had happened to her- I didn't like to ask- but she's hardly communicated with me at all. Everything I know about her, up to and including her name I've learnt from others. She's very brief whenever she talks about a case, most of the time I have to read it of the file myself."

"That's not like her, she usually takes pride in delivering evidence however insignificant." mentioned Warrick

"The only none case-related work she has said to me in my time here so far were 'Oh Grissom didn't make them'" then seeing confused faces staring at him around the table he explained. "I was admiring those miniature crime scenes in his office when she came in"

"Speaking of Grissom's office has anyone else noticed that she spends an inordinate amount of time in there? Even more than when Grissom was here." Asked Greg.

"Yes she has," admitted Nick "but then again she has been given the horrendous task of bug-sitting."

"I don't think she fins it too horrendous. To be honest I think she actually likes looking after the bugs."

"What do you mean she 'likes' looking after Grissom's bugs?" asked Catherine shuddering, although she had been Grissom's friend for many years she still didn't understand his bug obsession.

"Well whenever I look after them I just chuck the food in and that's it but she took that damn spider out and let it crawl all over her hands."

"Perhaps she was cleaning the cage out, or something," said Warrick while the others made grimacing faces at the thought of allowing a tarantula to crawl over your hands as thought it was a guinea pig.

"No she was not cleaning it out. It was as if she was talking to it, you know. Like you would a dog, or cat, but not a spider. I didn't think Grissom ever talked to it. What's more the only time I've seen anything resembling a true smile on Sara's face was when she had that thing crawling up her arm. And has anyone else noticed that you can rarely catch her without and entomology journal in her hand. I've never seen her reading up about entomology before and suddenly it's become a new obsession. She's reading up all material concerning bugs that there is. Who wants to spend all their spare time reading about bugs?"

"You mean except Grissom,"

"Yeah except Grissom"

"Nobody in their right mind." They sat in silence contemplating what might be wrong with Sara except Brass who was trying to think of a way that he could get away from the diner to get to Sara, and get the team off Sara's case without causing too much suspicion. Warrick broke the silence by voicing his thoughts,

"I don't think that this is something that we can help solve, I think Sara needs to sort it out herself. It's nothing to do with us or work and I'm sure she doesn't need us meddling in her private life."

"Why would you think that?" Catherine asked condescendingly upset that Warrick had kept something from her.

"Remember when I sent Sara home when she was here during her day off,"

"Yeah"

"I wasn't just being kind, I found her crying in the break room. I told her to go home and sort it out but I guess it wasn't that simple and all she appears to have done is bottle herself up."

"Sara was crying," stated Greg in a state of shock, to him she had always seemed so strong he could never imagine her crying.

"Yeah, I know it's not like her to admit that anything is affecting her. We all know how she doesn't like us prying in her life, but she was so upset that it didn't bother her that she had an audience and the suddenly she turned he tears off and shrank into her shell, she looked like a ghost, and began talking about some evidence. I had to send her home- she was in no fit state to work. I told her that she could talk to me about it but she hasn't, even though I can tell that she needs to get whatever it is off her chest"

"That's because she needs someone who won't judge her," said Brass speaking for the first time.

"We would never judge her, she knows that," said Nick.

"Yes she does, but this time it's different, she thinks that you will judge her however hard you try not to. Hell I judged her when I found out and that was before…well before it blew up in her face," he said remembering when he found out about Grissom and Sara. "She's not ready to face the interrogation you guys will put her through, however kind-hearted you try to be. She doesn't want her life exposed, not while she's this vulnerable. She likes to keep her private life just that- private. She's like a daughter to me, I know what's eating her up but there's nothing I can do, nothing anyone can do" 'well there is one person but they don't need to know that' he thought to himself.

"Come on Jim, sill, tell us what's wrong with her," said Catherine excited at the prospect of Gossip, despite the fact it was on her friend.

"I'm sorry, I can't tell you. Sara has to tell you herself when she's ready. All you can do is understand theta she is going through a tough time and that she won't be truly herself until the situation resolves itself. What's best for her is if we all continue as normal but let her know that we are there if she needs us. It may be hard but trust me she needs to work through this herself. Now if you'll excuse me I need to check on Sara. If you think she's bad at work then you should see her at home," his offhand comment had the team worried

"What do you mean, she's worse at home?" Catherine asked.

"Yes, there's to mush there to…uh…well put it this way, when she gets home it all comes flooding back and she's been canning her emotions up all night. She cries so hard that her entire body shakes with her tears; I've acquired a few bruises where she's taken her anger out on me. One minute she can be happy and then the next whoosh she's sobbing her heart out. If your ever worried abut her just call me, I'll sort her out. Now I'm afraid I really must go." Brass placed a couple of bills on the table and quickly made his exit.

"What did you think that was about?" Greg asked out loud what everyone was thinking.

"I don't know" said Catherine, "but knowing that Brass is helping her makes me feel better. If anyone can sort Sara out just now it's Brass. We just have to hope and pray that it's enough and that he'll bring the Sara we know back."

The team continued their breakfast but the conversation moved off Sara and on to more light-hearted subjects: such a Nick's latest girlfriend.

8 8 8 8 8

Brass let himself into Grissom and Sara's townhouse and was making his way to the lounge when her heard Sara's voice. She was talking to someone. That someone was Grissom.

"Sara," Brass called,

"In the lounge" she called back

"I hope you've not replaced me already, "Grissom teased through the telephone.

"No it's just Jim coming to check on me."

"Good, Good Sara I…uh"

"You have to go" Brass could hear the sadness in her voice as he prepared the coffee.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I'll cal you later."

"Don't worry, have fun Dr. Bugman," Brass could hardly stifle his laugh

"I will, I'll speak to you later Sara, I love you"

"I love you too" they both replaced the handsets breaking the connection, Brass, unable to keep it under control began to laugh.

"Dr. Bugman, you called Grissom Dr. Bugman," he finally got out. Sara didn't reply, she was crying too much, Bass brought the coffee over, his laughter quickly dissipating and comforted Sara while she let it all out.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: okay i know i havn't posted in sooooo long but i have been battleing my way through my final year of school!!! Yey I finally finished. not sure if/when i'll post again i'm off to uni in September so will be really busy and also i started this story two years ago (almost exactly-it's the eve of getting my final year exam results and i first posted this the eve of my SG's so long ago!!) and in that time i've done a lot of growing up and i don't really like how this story has gone, I thought at least i'd post the next chapter which i had actually written then if my muse decides that i can finish it . I hope so!! Enjoy

**While He Was Gone-Chapter 7**

A fortnight had passed and still the distance was affecting both Sara and Grissom. Sara had improved herself slightly at work, enough to get the team off her back for a while, and began talking about non-case related topics with the team, including Keppler during shift. One shift the whole team were assigned to a particularly grizzly case. Three decomposing bodies were found in a deserted shelter in the Nevada desert, complete with bugs. David was just finishing as the team arrived.

"It's not nice in there," David said as they approached.

"We're paid to do not nice, " Nick noted

"Yeah, I know but this is bad, even by our standards. And the inside is covered with Grissom's little friends." Sara sucked a breath in, she was still not able to cope with any conversations about Grissom and usually found some excuse to leave, pronto, but she was stuck. "As best I can work out death occurred between two and three weeks ago, a more accurate estimate can only be done entomologically."

"Thanks David, we'll call when we need the bodies removed," said Catherine before leading the team into the shelter. " Gosh, David wasn't exaggerating," she continued when she saw the scene. "Just when we need an entomologist he's off on sabbatical to the other side of the country.. She looked around the scene and assessed it before splitting off jobs, "Greg, you and Nick ake the perimeter, Mike and Sara take the interior, Brass can you find out who our victims are and who owns this bit of desert and Warrick, you take the bodies, I'll come and help once I've contacted an entomologist." Sara, who had began examining the bugs on the bodies while Catherine was in supervisor mode, began to speak:

"_Lucilia sericata_, _Chrysomya megacephala_ and _Saprinus lugens_"

"What?" Catherine asked shocked.

"_Lucilia sericata_, _Chrysomya megacephala_ and _Saprinus lugens_ and I think this is a _Chrysomya rufifacies_" she said picking up a bug with her tweezers, "But I'm not a hundred per cent sure so I'll have to check" she looked up and saw the rest of the team with shocked expressions on their faces.

"How on earth do you know that Sara?" Catherine asked "I've known Grissom for a long time and I've worked a fair few bug scenes with him and I can barely name their common names never mind their Latin ones."

"Well…I…"Sara hesitated. There wasn't any explanation for her knowledge without revealing her relationship with Grissom to the team.

"Come on Sara, there's evidently something you're not telling us. Spill Girl." Nick encouraged, making Sara nervous. Did he know about her and Grissom? No, she didn't think so.

"Grissom isn't the only entomologist on our team. "Sara replied cryptically. The rest of the team stared at Sara in astonishment.

"You're an entomologist," Nick chocked out.

"Yes" Sara replied manner of factley

"But…how come we never knew?" asked Greg

"Because you never asked"

"Grissom knows doesn't he?" Warrick stated rather than asked, beginning to put a few pieces of the Sara puzzle together.

"Yes, of course he knows," Sara said, while digging her nails into her palms keeping the tears at bay. Brass could sense her discomfort and placed a gentle hand on her arm for support. "He taught me," Sara continued in a smaller voice.

"He taught you, he's never offered to teach any of us, how come you got lessons."

"You all know I first met Grissom at a seminar he was teaching. I don't think it was about theoretical physics, do you? Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to start working before all the evidence crawls away." She quickly made her way over to the body furthest away from the team and crouched over it, back to the team and pretended to be engrossed in the bugs when in actual fact she was fighting the tears threatening to expose her secret.

"I remember Grissom talking about a brunette that he met once when he returned from a seminar, but I thought that the semin…"The look Sara shot him made his stop. "I…I'd better get finding out who owns this place then." He covered and quickly exited.

"Well everyone, let's get to work" said Catherine taking control and everyone began collecting evidence.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: So here it is the next chapter, i decided i will actually finish it even if it's not exactly how i planned it.

A/N: I am not in any way shape or form an entomologist but the bugs mentioned are bugs you might find on a dead body. I am though a budding scientist-just got my results this morning and i'm going to uni 2 study Biochemistry WAHAY!! 4 years of late nights, partying and ever else students get up to!!

**While He Was Gone-Chapter 8**

Some hours after Sara's "revelation" to the team she returned to the lab with Warrick. The journey was short- but not short enough. The scene had hardly disappeared from the ear view mirror when Warrick started questioning her.

"How come you never told any of us that you were an entomologist and don't give me any of that "you never asked" shit because it won't work, we were hardly going to come up to you and go "Hey Sara are you an entomologist" especially without any evidence to suggest that you might be interested in bugs of all things."

"I know, there were a few reasons that you didn't find out until today. The main one being that if you had put all your prejudices behind you when I first moved to Vegas then you might of known."

"But…"Warrick began to interrupt.

"I know we put this behind us, and I don't want to open old wounds but nothing can escape the fact that you didn't accept me to begin with. Don't think I didn't hear the things that you all said behind my back. "Who is she and how does she even know Grissom?" I believe Cath's exact words were but if you had asked either of us you would have known that we met when Griss took an entomology seminar at Berkley. I was always attending these extra seminars, they were rarely any good, but they gave me some extra credit, not that I really needed it, and also something to do, plus they prevented me from going out drinking. I saw a leaflet for Grissom's course and decided to go. It looked more interesting than any of the others I had attended. The day of the first lesson one of my Physics lecturers kept me back and I missed the first half hour so at the end I spoke to Grissom to apologise for interrupting and to ask some questions, the next class began to enter the hall while he was still answering them so he invited me for coffee so that he could continue and we became friends, and that is where my interest in bugs started." Sara finished her tale, it wasn't entirely the truth, while she had met Grissom as she described, it wasn't where she learnt about entomology. The seminar was about forensic science but Sara changed it to keep her relationship secret. Her entomology lessons didn't come until later, much later. Grissom suggested that he teach Sara entomology at the beginning of their relationship so that she could discover what made him tick. In response Sara tried to Introduce Grissom to running, needless to say it wasn't a roaring sucess.

"So when you came to Vegas did Griss continue to teach you, or what, because…um…well after…" Warrick didn't quite know how to bring up the past without causing any more pain than necessary with Sara, especially in her still fragile state.

"At the beginning yes he did," Sara knew what Warrick was getting at but didn't say anything about it, "it wasn't very often, or regularly, sometimes just a passing remark at a crime scene. I enrolled in classes at U.N.L.V, to get a more structured education I didn't say anything because it was around when everyone was talking about…you know…"

"You and Grissom?"

"Yeah and I didn't want to add fuel to the fire. Not to mention we weren't really on speaking terms at that point."

"We're all glad you got over that. It was a little hard to work with"

"Me too." Sara smiled 'If only he knew' she thought. Everyone knew that Sara had a thing for Grissom but they thought that she had got over it long ago not that she (and Grissom) had acted on it.

They pulled up at the lab and went their separate ways, Warrick to the Trace lab and Sara to Grissom's office. It was the only place she felt comfortable, somewhere where she could feel his presence and at least today if anyone questioned her she was using his books as reference and no-one had reason to turf her out.


End file.
